2nd birthday celebrations for Max and Millie are now a dim and distant memory, instead it's now all about Christmas, the journey to France, shopping for gifts, preparation, preparation, preparation. Today I managed to do at least half my Christmas shopping online which has taken a bit of pressure off.....only a bit though! Why, pray tell, do the shops out there think that each present has to cost hundreds of pounds, and that we, as members of the population they target, have the money to spend in the first place when there is a rather serious economic meltdown taking place out there....hmmmmm?!?!?!?!
The (un)official 2nd birthday picture
So, what do I have to say/rant about/get off my chest in this male dominated chapter of the blog???
Well.....as far as I am concerned you can sod Christmas, really you can. Don't get me wrong, I am more than looking forward to a holiday in France with my handsome Husband, the Wooflets and our lovely, wonderful friends but I would happily and honestly give up the entire festive period and all that goes with it if I could have a Husband that was 100% healthy and I MEAN 100%! It's seriously no fun for him at the moment, if it's not one thing it's another, or a combination of more than one. Seriously, give him a F*CKING break, please?! I'm not going to go into a huge list of symptoms, they are many and the list IS extensive but I would like my Husband to retain at least some dignity (some things don't need blogging!), however last week he spent 4 hours (2 hours waiting and 2 hours being treated) in the Western Eye Hospital experiencing a severe Uveitis/Iritis attack (Google it) in his left eye. Basically, in layman's terms it's inflammation of the Iris and is not pleasant. At. All. It's also a 'by-product' or side effect of his Spondyloarthropathy.
Well.....as far as I am concerned you can sod Christmas, really you can. Don't get me wrong, I am more than looking forward to a holiday in France with my handsome Husband, the Wooflets and our lovely, wonderful friends but I would happily and honestly give up the entire festive period and all that goes with it if I could have a Husband that was 100% healthy and I MEAN 100%! It's seriously no fun for him at the moment, if it's not one thing it's another, or a combination of more than one. Seriously, give him a F*CKING break, please?! I'm not going to go into a huge list of symptoms, they are many and the list IS extensive but I would like my Husband to retain at least some dignity (some things don't need blogging!), however last week he spent 4 hours (2 hours waiting and 2 hours being treated) in the Western Eye Hospital experiencing a severe Uveitis/Iritis attack (Google it) in his left eye. Basically, in layman's terms it's inflammation of the Iris and is not pleasant. At. All. It's also a 'by-product' or side effect of his Spondyloarthropathy.
My handsome Husband
He became quite the celebrity patient with the Consultants summoning the junior doctors to 'come and have a look' at this extraordinary case. Eye pressure is measured in millimetres of mercury (mm Hg). Normal eye pressure ranges from 10-21 mm Hg. My old man's eye pressure was somewhere around the mid 40s and was affecting his eyesight to the point that it was blurry/foggy, he had a severe head ache and the bulging was causing issues!!!!!! If this isn't bad enough, add to this his aching/hurting/swollen joints, the dozens of pills he takes (you can hear him rattle when you shake him!), the insomnia and a myriad of other ailments. What truly breaks my heart is seeing him struggling on two walking sticks because there are days when he can't walk without them. He's not a man to be limited by walking sticks, he wants to be out there having an adventure and getting himself into trouble!
Foggy London
There is always a smile there, sometimes it's hidden from view and can be a rare creature to spot, but it nearly always shows itself eventually. He amazes me that he can be so positive and still retain that effervescence that I love so much. Me, I wouldn't deal with it half as positively as he does. My Fella gets on with life, he tries really hard to not let it beat him and for the most part it doesn't, the days that it does beat him are, thankfully, extremely rare, I think I can count them on one hand. He is, considering everything, astonishingly positive and I admire him more than I can express through words alone. Never does he ask for help nor does he complain, never.
It goes without saying that I worry about him and my mind is filled with questions, the answers to which appear difficult to find sometimes, although they can be staring me in the face:
Am I doing enough?
Is he alright?
Am I helping out when and where I should be?
Am I paying enough attention?
Am I getting in the way?
Why don't I remember to remind him to take his pills?
Am I being supportive?
I should cook more often!
All these questions, and more, go through my head on a daily basis.
Doggy cuddles are very beneficial for those in need....
Which brings me nicely to me and my head.....oh what a tangled mess that is!!! Recently I have been more than a little unhappy, not with anything in particular, with everything. Last weekend I was incredibly grumpy, angry even and I found it so hard to calm down, to ignore myself and get on with the weekend. Something as simple as cooking the Sunday Roast was filling me with dread, anger and putting me in a really bad mood. To put it simply, I was heading for a humongous tantrum, HUGE! I was having arguments with myself in my head, I wanted to throw stuff, slam doors and lie on the floor and bang my arms and legs, screaming and shouting. You'll be pleased to know that I didn't!
A face that screams "THERAPY"! (Loving the hat!!!)
I would like to say that I have a very short fuse but I don't have a fuse. It's gone. This feeling is bubbling under the surface all the time and some days I really struggle to hold it in. Anything and everything that doesn't go my way or for whatever reason goes wrong, it upsets me, it makes me cross, it makes me angry, it makes me REALLY angry. There have been days when I have felt the urge to sob, scream and have a bloody good cry, but why, what for? It's not going to change anything, I'll still have these feelings and will still wake up every day and go to bed every night with that 'unstable' feeling in my 40-something bones and I'll remain on the verge of breaking down into a sobbing mess. But, I HAVE to hold it in, if I let it out it wouldn't help us, it wouldn't help my Husband and I must remember that at all times. I'm waiting for a revelation and I want some sort of resolution but I fear that they may be far, far away. In the meantime I deal with it internally, but believe me when I say that on a positive note, two little wagging tails and the warm, furry hug of your Husband make everything easier to cope with.
Losing my mind.....
Finally, Max has discovered 'happy time'!!!
Our little boy is growing up and turning into a little man. Maximillian Sydney Bruiser McEllis has discovered the joys of shagging a cushion. Oh yes, he is a Bad Ass little sod who likes to give the sofa cushions a good seeing to. He crossed the line when he tried to mount Millie, she was not best pleased and told him so. Daddy's little puppy is now a proper little dog.....how the little ones grow up so quickly, it feels like only yesterday Max was a tiny little puppy and now he's a tiny little dog!
'Bad Ass' needs a snooze after 'Happy Time'...!
And as for Millie....??? She's wonderful, she is most definitely still as crazy as hell when she goes out for a walk and sees other dogs, however at home we are seeing improvements in her behaviour all the time. Millie now actively WANTS to play with toys and Max. She'll run around, pick up a toy and present it to Max for some play time. They'll have a bonkers 5 minutes darting around the lounge and dining room before Millie realises that she's playing and then straight back to bed and to sleep she will go! It's brilliant to see, it's wonderful to see her settling down and really becoming happy and settled in herself. She is a marvellous little dog! Oh, Millie also has the best dog smell in the world, she smells really, REALLY lovely and I am a huge fan of cuddling into her with my nose snuggled in her fur.....I do the same with my man but that's a different blog! *grin*
Comatose!
As you can see, I have finally managed to work out how to put the music player within each chapter of the blog, at last!!!! The track is inspired by Maximillian's new found pleasure..... *ahem* (Just click the play button).
Apologies if this chapter seems to be a bit 'close to the bone' and personal, however, it's how I feel right now (Isn't that what blogging is all about?). I also cleared the content with my Man before I published it.
Normal service will resume eventually, I promise.
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