A Series of Unfortunate Events.....

I do not court adversity, nor do I shy from it, however if the situation arises, I, like George and the Dragon, face my adversity head on and deal with it. And so it was yesterday evening when, alone, I took Max and Millie out for their evening walk around the cemetery and recreation ground as Mr McEllis Snr was going to be late home from work (he's working way too hard in my honest opinion!!!). We departed the home with my head filled with "I'll bloody well show him!" thoughts.....oh how stupid can one man be?!

It occurred to me that, being alone, it may well be the perfect time to test both me and Millie and let her off. 

So I did.

It did not go 100% to plan.

Taking my inspiration from Lemony Snicket, it was indeed like a series of unfortunate events that took place one after the other.

They were recorded for posterity and here they are for your visual and aural delectation (You will need your sound turned up so that you can hear my "commentary").

Butter wouldn't melt......!

Event No. 1

The first time I have ever let her off.....trepidation, nervous and quite literally worried sick that she is going to pelt off into the sunset leaving me standing there with two leads, one tennis ball and no dogs, which of course she bloody well did. And as you can witness, Max went with her, the little deserter!!!

Event No. 2

Number 2....no pun intended...! 

Enough said!

Event No. 3

Why do I do it to myself? 

The previous two videos have already clearly shown that I am not enjoying myself and I would find it so much easier on both my heart and head to just put her back on her lead. But no, I try AGAIN! This time, she pelts off towards the hedge which hides a main road and, as I can hear her bark, I am truly worried that she's going to get herself into mischief....

Event No. 4

The Recreation Ground. 

No dogs.
No people. 

I feel safer.

Let's see if she comes back when I call her.

Needless to say I got home rather knackered and in need of a stiff drink.....and a big hug!

Tonight we took them out as usual and things did not go well. At. All.


Millie was let off in the cemetery and almost immediately, like a News of The World journalist eyeing up a list of mobile phone numbers, she saw her chance and she took it! A fox in the distance caught her hunting eye and she was off like a small, black, furry exocet missile. Some time later, after much shouting of her name and me going mad with worry, we got her back. She even ignored Dad No. 1 when he called her (oh how my inner child gloated at this *snigger*). She was given the "you've been very naughty" look, immediately put back on her lead and there she stayed until we got home. She has been acting sheepish ever since!

Naughty, naughty, very, very naughty!

At this point I really should point out how patient my Husband is being (although I am most certainly not admitting that he is right by letting her off, oh no!). He could very easily have 'lost it' with me this evening, but he didn't. He let me have my 'eppy fit' and once I had calmed down, things went back to normal and I resumed a relaxed persona *phew*...

This chapter's music is inspired by the simple fact that I would really like a dog that did as she was bloody well told.

I. Want. To. Get. Down.

You will be pleased to know that Maximillian now smells like a bunch of roses and not the arse-end of a skanky fox!

She's OFF!

Never let it be said that my Hubby doesn't strike while the iron is hot - scolding in fact! Only a few days ago Max and Millie were being assessed by Ali from Battersea Dogs & Cats Home and it was mentioned, only mentioned that Millie might well be ALMOST ready to be let off the lead. Not one to hang around, Mr. McEllis informed me on Thursday evening that he had taken the dogs out and had let Millie off the lead. Completely off. To wander as she saw fit. No lead whatsoever!

I smell FREEDOM!

On Friday I took them out as Hubby was working late, however I did not (and still don't!) have the confidence to let Millie off and so we concentrated on honing our 'on the lead training', or at least that's what I told 'him indoors'!!! I was informed on Friday evening that the dogs would be let off the lead on Saturday morning's walk and that I should try and keep my mouth shut (fat chance!) and watch.......

Here she comes!!!!!!! 

As you can well imagine, my mouth was not shut for long, it's an alien concept to me and one, I fear, that will remain with me for life. I fed back my 'constructive' criticism to my Husband, seeing how I was not all that happy about not being able to see Millie 100% of the time....in my opinion she has no concept whatsoever of how far is too far from us and I am not at all comfortable with that.....but my Husband is!

Freeeeeeeedom!

My other 'concern' is Millie hearing me......she doesn't. As I've mentioned countless times before, Millie-Moo McPudling is absolutely devoted to Dad No. 1, completely and utterly and it is rare that she will ever hear me or take much in the way of notice of me, unless of course I have a fistful of food for her! There is an Alpha Male in every pack and Millie recognises John as the Alpha, I am nothing more than another pack member, no one particularly important and certainly not one that needs paying any attention (the Hubby disagrees with me of course!).

Deserving praise indeed!

I realise that the more we let her off, the less she is going to want to go a huge distance away from us, it's a test for her as much as it is for us/me. I also realise that the more we let her off, the easier on my heart and mind the experience will become, although Millie is having much more fun than I am, I can very much assure you! You can also bet your bottom dollar that a few weeks/months down the line I will no doubt be saying that my Husband was right all along and did the right thing......but at the moment I am a very long way from saying it!

Eyeing up her new found freedom!

This chapter's music is obviously inspired by Millie's new-found freedom...it goes without saying that 'The Bitch Is Back!'


P.S. Max is, as ever, as mad as a box of frogs!

Boot Camp

Apart from Max & Millie being the perfect little dogs that they are, there are two things that I would like to accomplish with them. One is that Millie be 'cured' of her über excitement when she sees other dogs and ceases to be the Howling Hound from Hell on the end of her lead that she currently is. The other, and much more fun thing, is that I'd rather like to do agility with Maximillian seeing how he has so much energy and is always on the go (and I secretly have an urge to appear on Crufts!).............Today, courtesy of Aunty Kay, the torch for both of these dreams has well and truly been lit.

Aunty Kay (Yes, she's drinking by the bottle now!)

This afternoon, Millicent Hermione Oprah McEllis stepped on to the first hurdle of training and met Ali, a lady from Battersea Dogs Home who knows a thing or two about naughty puppies and their not so well trained owners (me!). I have to admit, it did not get off to a wonderful start as Ali wanted to put a muzzle on Millie and I was having none of it....Ali was not best impressed with me. However, in the end I did see reason and understood why and so it went on....until Millie made damn sure that it came off again straight away (That's my girl!).

Exhibit A - Kay muzzling Millie!!!!!

Ali and I had a good long chat, we talked about Millie at home and out at the park, we encountered other dogs with Millie and Ali talked me through the why's and how's of Millie's "condition" and how I could put steps/commands etc in place to minimise the excitement that Millie goes through each and every day. I have to say that Millie was brilliant for the entire 2 hours that we were there, she did very well indeed! We ended her 'session' with a bit of agility......(please ignore the big gayer and focus on the dog!).

Go Team Millie!

What did take me by surprise (which it really should not have done!!!) is just how naughty Maximillian Sydney Bruiser McEllis is.....He. Is. A. Little. Shit. ! ! ! While Ali and I were dealing with Millie, Max was displaying similar, if not the very same symptoms as Millie, only he's more subtle unless it's pointed out to you and to be brutally frank, I really don't notice it.....blinkered vision?!?!?! He's also something of a Daddy's Boy (you don't say?!?!?!) and whenever I left him to go off with Millie and get my/her training he would cry and whimper and generally be a noisy, spoilt little brat.....


Call me Dr. Frankenstein - I have created a monster!

Go Team Max!

It was, all in all, a hugely enjoyable afternoon in Mountsfield Park in Catford with the ladies from Battersea Dogs Home and Aunty Kay. Max and Millie have never been surrounded by so many other dogs and they, I am sure, had as good a time as I did. I learnt some valuable lessons today (so did Millie!) and I will do my best to ensure that they are worked upon with both Millie AND Max! Ali also thinks that once we get this training thing out of the way with Millie and she's absolutely nailed it, she doesn't see why we wouldn't be able to let her off the lead in the future.....YAY!

Yes Max, you should look worried!!!

Finally, to 'Aunty' Kay, from me, Max and Millie, a puppy-sized thank you for getting us started.....Agility classes here we come! (I wonder if I should buy a shell suit?!?!?!?!).....
This week's music is my current favourite track from Monarchy, who's debut album "Around The Sun" is out now.

Vive La France!

Bonjour mes petit moufettes! 


Did you miss us while we were away?

Our carriage awaits....

We departed this fair isle via the 'premier' air service that is Ryanair (It was really not as awful as I thought it was going to be!) destined for the Limousin region of France (south west of Paris in the middle of the loveliest rolling countryside). As my Hubby said, it's very pastoral and not unlike the South Downs of Sussex - apart from the fact that they all speak French, obviously!

The Limousin

We were greeted at Limoges Airport by my grinning Sister in Law, Pol and her lovely fella Col and driven to their abode in the village of Le Dorat, about 45 minutes drive away. When we arrived we immediately noticed how quiet it was with hardly any trains, planes or automobiles, it was trés peaceful.....and very, very warm indeedio, in fact it got to about 40 degrees for the first couple of days - thank God for a large, chilled Panache of an afternoon!

 Maison Lapeyriere - our home for the week

Pol and Col's maison is also their business and they have a Chambre d'hote (B&B) and below it is a laundrette - you can book your room here http://www.maisonlapeyriere.com/. Luckily for us all (although not quite so lucky for our heads!), Maison Lapeyriere is situated almost right next door to the local bar, Cafe de la Poste.......you can safely assume that the Landlord's takings increased vastly during our stay!!!!!

Pol et Col dans la Cafe de la Poste!

The holiday was two-fold.....to indeed have a holiday and get some much needed R&R but also, and much more exciting, to see if we could possibly find a little Maison a la France of our very own......and so the adventure began and off we trotted, cycled and drove around the Limousin countryside for seven days to try and find it. There are some beautiful, in fact some stunning properties in the area and nearly every other word from my lips was either 'ooh', 'aah', 'look at that one' or 'can we afford this one?' 

'Minimal' renovation required!!!

It being only our first trip of investigation, we would have been pretty darn lucky to have found the perfect residence straight away, HOWEVER, we did find A perfect property, albeit hugely overpriced in a town down the road called Magnac Laval....a beauty of a place with lots of land too which would have been superb for the puppies, The Girls and our goat, sheep and pig collection.....*sigh*

The 'perfect' property...

Obviously, staying with Pol and Col meant that we were introduced to their friends and some of the more colourful local characters who would appear at the door of the Cafe de la Poste at 7am awaiting a glass of rose wine before they drove off to work - I kid you not!!!  One of these friendly characters was Jean-Claude, a proper French man in every sense of the word, full of the country with a huge passion for La Chasse (The Hunt) and indeed a HUGE passion pour le vin! The following day we visited Jean-Claude and his wife, Francois at their home in Le Brousses for, yes you guessed it, a glass or two (4 bottles later!!!!) of rose wine. Whilst there we were introduced to his firearm collection and honestly, it is no exaggeration to say that the bullets could have taken out a bull Elephant never mind a little bunny!

A local restaurant - you either love it or hate it!

As well as the local French characters, there is also quite a large English population. We met a few of them and all seem happy and content with their lot in life (It must be soooo difficult to enjoy the lifestyle!!!!) but two of note are Tony & Sue. Honestly, they are rather FANTASTIC people who we got on very well with and enjoyed more than a bottle or two of rose wine (there's a theme developing here!). The first time we met them was at their home in a gorgeous Hamlet where they have a little place in the middle of nowhere (bliss!) with marvellous views of the rolling countryside.......and a swimming pool - tres bon!

Sue & Tony

Sue loves animals (Tony loves wine!) and has rescued the most gorgeous baby Red Squirrel - Cyril! He is a beautiful little creature who now has Sue as his adopted Mum due to his own Mother being missing, presumed killed by some very naughty predator. We all had a cuddle with Cyril, watching him running up and down our arms and around our necks and jumping from one to the other.....Cyril was a delight and it was an honour to be allowed to handle such a beautiful animal that are sadly so rare in the UK! 
It was an evening of swimming, squirrels and getting very, very squiffy!!! 

Cyril et La Grande Moufette

*Update on Cyril* Sue reliably informs me via the medium of Facebook that young Cyril has not been seen for a day or so and that adult Squirrels have been spotted in the area along with a Pine Marten (who love nothing more than chomping on a juicy squirrel!)....we have our fingers crossed for Cyril's safe return or that his family have found him and taken him off to be a proper L'écureuil roux!

Cyril - Mr Seriously Cute!

Sue also cooks and she cooks the most amazing vegetarian food. I am, by my own admission, a carnivore, I really enjoy meat, especially a medium rare steak or a pork roast on a Sunday, so my initial reaction is always one of "where's my chew?", etc. However, cooked and prepared properly, vegetarian food is A-mazing and Sue's was no exception, particularly her Coleslaw *drool*. Tasty, full of flavour and absolutely delicious - and all locally produced.

Ready-made allotment!

The town of Le Dorat has a huge square next to the Collegiale (a big Church-y thingy and quite close to the Monkery next door) where they hold an event known as the Producer's Market. Stalls are set up by local meat, fish and vegetable producers and you can purchase uncooked meats et al and have them cooked to your liking which you can then enjoy with a portion of frites and a glass or two of rose wine (again, locally produced). There were 8 of us that night, however only five of us were drinking wine. At the end of the evening we had gone through NINE bottles of wine - this was after the pre-market Kir cocktails at Chez Pol et Col.....it was a flipping brilliant evening but oh how my head hurt the following day!!!

Tres Tipsy!

Pol and Col are the proud owners of five horses although I think two of them are ponies, one of them definitely is. The nags live a couple of miles up the road in the rolling (and very dry) fields of the Limousin and each morning and evening they would be fed, watered and their poo would be cleared. This is a job, that rather bizarrely, I really enjoyed. Trudging the fields in the summer sun, picking up dried horse poo is a no-brainer, very relaxing and actually rather enjoyable......bizarre but hey, that's moi!

Ou est la shit au Cheval?

In the 'Big Boys' field Pol has turned a small area into a 'garden' and is growing her own fruit and vegetables. Or at least she would be if a little Hare had not decided that this was the place to get his own quota of fruit and veg! Big Brother and I were put into action to build a suitable barrier effectively stopping this little Hare from his regular picnics! At the time of writing the Hare has not returned so perhaps we did a good job.......and, as a baby Hare is called a Leveret we decided that his name would be Kenny.

The Big Boys - Jack, Benny and Dudley

We had a truly wonderful time in the Limousin with Pol and Col, their friends, their animals and the local characters and events that we attended. We went their not knowing what we were going to be greeted with and returned with our hearts full of adoration, our heads full of dreams for the future and memories of the holiday and our tummies full of wine and fantastic food....how could we not have fallen in love with it?! I want to move there NOW!

Hubby - let's move here!

In our absence, our petit chiens Max et Millie have been properly looked after by Grandma Celia, with walking assistance provided by Aunty Kay. We came home and it took the little buggers a couple of hours to realise that we were indeed their 'Dads' and that yes, we were in fact home and it was most definitely us. As for the Girls, they're all fine and dandy although Ruby has taken it upon herself to become broody so that's another loss of egg production, the little sod!

Les Girls

It goes without saying that we owe a HUMONGOUS Thank You to my Mum for doing such a grand job - and thank you Kay for your help. They always have such a lovely time with Grandma when we go away and it's a comfort to know that they're being spoiled in our absence. Now, all I want to do is load them in the car and drive to Le Dorat!

Don't leave me again Dad!

This chapter's music is by an artist called Shy'm and her track 'Tourne' and it is my soundtrack to the holiday, I heard it every day on the local radio and I defy anyone to resist the urge to 'put their paws up' at around 1 minute 7 seconds......a simply beautiful track although I must admit I haven't got the foggiest idea what the hell she is singing about (Isn't Tourne the French for Turn?!).

Right, I'm off to detox!